There are three places where you can live your life:

1. In the past – People who have regrets and are “stuck” thinking about things that cannot be corrected often experience depression. Some therapists believe that anger turned inward becomes depression. So, when you combine past hurts with anger but pretend that everything is okay you are setting yourself up for trouble! It is like trying to hold a beach under water. You put all your energy into trying to hold it down but that won’t last for very long. You can try to hold your emotions down but when they pop up everyone, including you will likely be surprised by their intensity.

2. In the future – Fear, control, perfectionism, worry and anxiety are all cousins. Sometimes people focus all their energy on what hasn’t even happened yet. Their fear causes them to want to control things and often leads to perfectionism, worry and anxiety. “What if… ?” is a frequent phrase used by individuals who tend to focus on the future.

3. In the present – Sometimes today is filled with boredom and loneliness. Sometimes it seems stressful and challenging. The best way to deal with the present, is to have all your wits about you so that you can choose interesting ways to address what is in front of you. When your thoughts, feelings and behaviours are devoted to the past or the future, you are robbing today! You cannot reach your potential and make good choices if you are trying to resolve issues from the past or predict the future.

Over the years I have watched people who get into trouble and realize that it is frequently because they have difficulty living in the present. Some focus on what “should” have happened or what “should” happen instead of on what “is” happening. They blame others for slights that occurred decades ago and unfortunately, they are usually the only one who remembers this. They have difficulty forgiving others or themselves and this prevents them from letting go and moving forward in a healthy manner.

Others think so much about all the things that “might” happen in the future that they are unable to enjoy what is going on right now. They expect the worst from relatives, the weather, government and a myriad of things that they not only cannot control but might actually never happen.

So how can you live in the present when you mind reverts to past injustices or future threats?
1. Create a peaceful environment. Organize your life in a way that incorporates positive blessings such as calm music, pleasant activities and healthy food.
2. Protect yourself from toxic triggers. Turn the television off so that you aren’t inundated with negative news. Maintain good boundaries with people who are always draining you. Don’t let their crisis become your crisis. Take breaks from the outside world by not always answering your phone or having your door open.
3. Say what you want (not what you don’t want). Write and practice using affirmations.
4. Seek professional help to get you on the right track!

Negotiating is one of those skills we all have and use every day. Some are better than others but we all engage in negotiations all the time. Negotiating is not limited to your day job but comes useful in every situation you want something of somebody and includes when you’re talking to your boss, co-workers, spouse and children.

When most people think of negotiation they think of it in business terms or dealing with a salesman, but in fact a negotiation can be as big as two hostile countries sitting down and talking or your child asking you if they can borrow the car.

Before you enter into any negotiation you need to be prepared and there are 3 areas in which you have to be prepared every time. They are:

Yourself – Knowing yourself and knowing what you want is the most important factor. It will take you some time and thinking to clearly define what you want out of life but once you do your confidence will be increased and your negotiation skills will improve. Preparing yourself also means knowing your strengths and weaknesses.

The other person – As soon as you find out who you will be negotiating with it is very important to research that person. This offers a couple of advantages that can save you a lot of time and make the negotiation go smoother e.g. by doing your research you will have found out what authority this person has and therefore you will not ask for impossible things the person can’t offer, also on the other hand you will know for sure if they are claiming they don’t have the authority.

Knowing a little about the other person also has some social benefits. You can build rapport from the start by showing you know a fact or two about the other person. In situations such as an interview this can work wonders because it shows you took the time out and did research.

The Industry – You need to know about the industry you are working in. Strive to constantly learn about what is going on in your industry so you stay updated. Whenever you are going to be negotiating in an unfamiliar industry make sure to do the research so you know the players and the issues.